Rule #336: Women Are Sneaky

What you see before you is the latest in adult sex toys. It’s called the Artificial Virginity Hymen. Think about that for a second…. a fake hymen…I swear, women have it all. As it reads from the Gigimo website:

“No more worry about losing your virginity. With this product, you can have your first night back anytime.”

Did you just read that? Let everytime be your first time, and trick the man you’re with is what they’re basically saying. This product was made to deceive the guy who thinks he might have stumbled across shangri-la in the flesh, and I’m pretty sure the only women who would even use this would be the gold digger type, aka the shadiest female on earth. We as men need to realize we aren’t planting a flag anywhere, and chances are, plenty of other dudes have run up in there before us. Not to say that women are whores, but females will only tell you how many boyfriends they’ve been with, not the miscellaneous dick they’ve had throughout the years.

Which leads me to rule #336: do not wife up a grown woman who tells you she’s a virgin, (unless she’s a nun). I’m sorry, but it’s 2009 out here and people are fucking each other like it’s going out of style. The only virgins I knew in my life were in middle school, and I’m guessing that statistic may be outdated. You heard about that 9 year old kid out in England who supposedly got that little girl knocked up? It ended up being a lie, as it was some other 11 year old kid that got her pregnant, but look at their ages!! I wasn’t thinking about other peoples’ privates, other than my own, at that age.

And as guys, we need to be comfortable with the number of guys our girlfriends, wives, or mistresses have been with. It’s nothing to be scared of or ashamed of. She’s your girl, just be happy that you’re hittin’ it now. And don’t get me wrong, I love virgins just as much as the next guy, but at the end of the day, they’re like unicorns or Santa Claus… THEY’RE A FIGMENT OF MY IMAGINATION.

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